Drawing Near to God, Drawing Near to Your Spouse – Practicing Empathy
Pastor Tan Thai · Oct 7, 2012
This sermon explores empathy as the most concrete expression of love and understanding in marriage. Through biblical examples and real-life illustrations, the pastor calls couples to practice empathy as a habit that strengthens their relationship and draws them closer to God.
The sermon opens by asking why marriage sermons always begin with the word 'Practice.' The pastor explains that no one naturally possesses the skills of listening, reconciliation, or empathy, and only consistent practice can form healthy habits in married life. A 2006 Duke University study showing that over 40% of daily actions are habits underscores the importance of cultivating good habits in marriage.
Empathy is defined as understanding each other's thoughts, sharing feelings, being aware of difficulties, overlooking faults, and accepting shortcomings. When empathy is absent, small things become big issues, and a single word or glance can spark a fierce argument. The pastor uses the illustration of a husband coming home late to find dinner not yet prepared: instead of criticizing, the husband can choose empathy by asking what happened and offering to help — a small gesture that can transform the entire atmosphere of the home.
Two biblical examples of empathy are presented. First, Jesus Christ's incarnation demonstrates God's empathy for the limitations of human existence, being born in a manger to identify with the poorest in society. Second, the story of Abraham and Lot (Genesis 14) shows Abraham not blaming his nephew when Lot was captured, but immediately acting to rescue him. In contrast, the story of David and Michal (2 Samuel 6) is a sobering lesson in the absence of empathy: Michal despised her husband for dancing in worship before God because she did not understand the depth of David's spiritual life after more than ten years of exile.
The practical application is grounded in 1 Peter 3:7, calling husbands to live with their wives in an understanding way, showing honor to them as fellow heirs of the grace of life. The pastor emphasizes that if a husband treats his wife harshly, his prayers will be hindered. Empathy requires listening, patient comfort, and building a relationship that draws both spouses closer to God.
The sermon concludes that love alone is not enough without genuine empathy. The story of Michal serves as a warning: bitterness cannot change the past but only makes the present worse. Couples need to cultivate their relationship with God together in order to have the foundation to overcome the challenges of marriage.