Sứ Điệp Hôn Lễ – Ê-phê-sô 5: Tình Yêu Thương và Sự Phục Tùng Trong Hôn Nhân
So, Trevor and Jessica, today we come together because the two of you have declared your love for one another. What started as mutual interest during the dating stage gradually matured into something richer and fuller, love. And now the two of you are getting married!!
Marriage was God’s design from the very beginning and it’s a wonderful gift. Marriage is also one the most challenging experiences one can undertake. Martin Luther called it a “classroom for character.” Thankfully, the Bible has some great advice that gives us insight into what can help to create a healthy and lasting relationship of love.
If there is one passage in the Bible that has direct instructions for husband and wife, it would be Ephesians 5. It’s a big challenge for all and I would like to share it with you.
Ephesians 5:22–27 22 Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. 23 For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior. 24 Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands.
This passage starts with the word“Submit.” To submit means to yield; to yield to authority.
When you drive within the speed limit, you are submitting to the law, willingly & voluntarily placing yourself under the authority of.
So according to this passage, wives are to willingly yield to the authority of the husband. Definitely need to clarify as this passage has been misused many times in the past, to submit, it’s NOT to be abused, misused, to dominate wives in any demeaning way. And NOT when the husband demands that his wife violate principles of God’s Word.
To submit does not mean in any way that one is inferior to the other. No, in marriage it’s two equal partners. Submission also does not mean silence. Each spouse needs to speak up and share their thoughts/opinions. Submission means “sub-mission.” There is a mission for the Christian marriage, and that mission is obeying and glorifying God. The wife says, “I’m going to put myself under that mission. That mission is more important than my individual desires. I’m not putting myself below my husband, I’m putting myself below the mission God has for our marriage, for my life.” And one of the ways that plays out for a Christian is to recognize the husband is the head of the household.
It’s hard because all of us men & women are rebellious at heart. It’s hard enough to submit to Jesus Christ as Lord over our lives, but it’s nearly impossible to submit to another person, let alone a sinful man! So how do we understand this passage?
I think one good way to look at this command for wives to submit to their husbands is to see it as this: that wives give up their self-centeredness, take seriously their mutuality with their husband, and promote the benefit of their husbands. Promoting the benefit of the other! We’ll see later that this same idea is expressed to the husband in his treatment of his wife using some different words.
Now, instead of promoting the benefit of the husband, some wives want to change their husband for the benefit of themselves. Jessica, let me give you a piece of advice, please don’t do that! Don’t try to change Trevor. Leave that to the Lord. Do not try to control your husband’s behavior, trust me that will not go well for you, in fact it will probably backfire.
No, rather submit to your future husband. Submitting is a Christian virtue and before we ask why anyone should submit to another, let’s note that Jesus has submitted Himself to the Heavenly Father: “Not my will, but yours be done.”
Jesus did this out of love, out of full trust in God’s plan.
Because of the Father’s love for the Son, there is complete trust. So Jessica, as a wife one of the best things you can do is to submit to your husband by looking to the godly interests of your husband. And in v.33 Paul tells the wives, “Let the wife see that she respects her husband.” One of the best ways to submit and look to the other’s interest is to respect your future husband!
Showing Trevor respect will be one of the best things you can do for your marriage. Encourage Trevor, be his cheerleader at times, compliment him when he does something well, remind him that he is the most important man in your life and you are thankful God placed you together. Even when he does something wrong, avoid using a disrespectful tone and show him grace. He works hard and really loves you. On top of that, respect him by giving him the space to be a guy, to go out with his friends to play basketball, to workout with the guys. Guys need some guy time once in a while. If you show Trevor respect, trust me things will go well.
Husbands, listen up as we go through second part of this passage:
25 Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, 26 that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, 27 so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish. 28 In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. 29 For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church, 30 because we are members of his body. 31 “Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.”
Let’s go to the starting point: v.25 Husbands are to love wives just as Christ loved the church and gave Himself up for her.
Trevor this word to the men is just as challenging, perhaps even more so than what Paul told the ladies. You are to LOVE your wife as Christ loved the church. What did Christ do? He gave up his life. This is sacrificing and suffering to the full extent. It’s not just at a big moment of crisis, but every day when you feel tired and worn out, and your temptation is to plop onto the sofa and open up your laptop to check sports scores. How did Jesus love people? Through service and sacrifice. Trevor, one of the best ways you will be able to love Jessica is to serve her. When you get married, there will be things around the house that need fixing, trash that needs to be taken out, things that need to be cleaned up, Jessica will ask you for help, sometimes for things you think she could do herself, and important conversations to be had. Show your wife you love her by being a servant at home and really trying your best to meet her needs.
One of the best ways you can love your wife is to show what it looks like to lead in following Christ. It would be such a shame if after getting married, your fervent commitment to Christ would be diminished. This is a challenge for all the newlyweds (and oldyweds) here. As a couple, have you become even more devoted to Christ after marriage? God has brought you together for the purpose of loving Him and serving Him all the more (not less)!
One of the best ways you can love your wife and future family is by taking the spiritual lead as head of the household. Make sure that God is at the center of your life and at the center of your household. And when Christian wives see that, they will surely submit because that is the way the husband is submitting to Christ. And as you do so that’s how you bring sanctification to your family.
Finally, being married 6 yrs now, I’ve come to realize that toughest part of sacrificial love is humbly apologizing (saying “I’m sorry” sincerely!), and loving by forgiving, loving by putting to death your pride. Sometimes when we apologize it feels a little bit like we’re dying, that fits perfectly with what Christ tells us to do for our wives. We die to ourselves, our pride, for the sake of the union. You don’t sanctify the other person by correcting them and telling them what they do wrong, you sanctify them by being the kind of sacrificial example that is laudable and worthy of imitation. That’s one way you can lead, lead in humbly apologizing. Trevor, I know you are a humble guy, but something strange happens in most marriages, the male ego grows bigger and bigger. Fight that feeling and stay humble as you love and interact with your wife.
Actually, in v. 21, right before this section on marriage, the Bible says “Submitting to one another out of reverence for Christ.” v. 21 really does apply to the area of husbands and wives as well,
In marriage, ultimately we must practice mutual submission!
It’s respecting others. Putting the other’s interests before your own.
reverence = respect or honor paid; we do this as a way to honor Jesus! Your marriage is an important arena where you honor Jesus.
As your prepare for this wonderful journey ahead, I pray that you will ask yourself often: “Will the way I treat my husband/wife honor Jesus? Will my stubborn refusal to apologize honor or dishonor Jesus? Will my tone of voice honor or dishonor Jesus? Will the way we spend time together honor or dishonor Jesus? Will our home honor or dishonor Jesus?”
This isn’t easy, but each time you try to think about your basis to carry out these commands, remember what Christ has done for you, remember how he gave himself for you! Jessica and Trevor, Christ loves you both. In marriage there is mutual submission and love because of how Christ gave himself for us. Christ died for you both. You’ve spent years teaching this to students and others, now remember it afresh for yourselves.
God’s love was made manifest among us by sending Jesus to earth. Jesus loved us to the point of giving His life and dying on cross! Let this amazing love be the foundation of your marriage and what you strive to imitate.
You were both once lost sinners, hopeless in life. While you experienced the blessing of growing up in church, you both rejected God in your lives as you tried to take control of your own lives. That’s what the Bible says after all, that we are sinners through and through. That we have rejected God. But then your loving heavenly father intercepted your lives in college when you got to UT Austin. God’s love broke through to you both in college.
Praise God that he sent Jesus Christ to this world that we might live through him, by receiving the forgiveness he offered us when he went to the cross. Jesus died for your sins, that’s the greatest love you could ever experience, don’t forget it. Keep that reality at the center of your relationship.
Ephesians 5:1-2 “Therefore be imitators of God, as beloved children. And walk in love, as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us, a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God.”
You are beloved. So many people God has placed in your lives. Parents who loved you, submitting their plans/life to provide for you. Now, imitate the best of such love and imitate God in your life together.