Finding a Spouse
Pastor Tan Thai · Aug 5, 2012
This sermon explores the topic of finding a spouse according to biblical standards, drawing from Proverbs 18:22 and 19:14. The pastor reminds believers that no one finds a perfect spouse, but Christians should prioritize spiritual character over outward qualities when seeking a life partner.
The sermon opens by comparing standards for finding a spouse across different eras, from traditional Vietnamese folk sayings about beauty, education, and family status, to the modern age of dating websites and social media. The pastor observes that worldly standards tend to focus on outward appearance, wealth, and social standing, whereas believers need a different perspective rooted in the Word of God.
The pastor cites Duke University professor Stanley Hauerwas to affirm that no one marries a perfectly suitable person, because a spouse is always a 'stranger' in some sense. The core issue is not finding the perfect person, but preparing oneself to become a good husband or wife. The story of Cinderella is used to illustrate that in marriage, no one can hide their true self forever.
Scripture clearly affirms that finding a spouse is a great blessing from God (Proverbs 18:22; 19:14). The sermon reviews biblical figures such as Esau and Samson, who chose wives based on outward beauty and without heeding their parents, resulting in painful consequences. By contrast, the story of Abraham sending his servant Eliezer to find a wife for Isaac in Genesis 24 presents a spiritual model: beginning with faith in God's guidance and earnest prayer.
The standard of the virtuous woman in Proverbs 31 is presented as a biblical pattern: diligent, caring for the family, kind to those in need, and fearing and loving God. Beyond this, believers should seek a spouse who loves the Lord wholeheartedly (Matthew 22:37), lives a godly life, and manifests the fruit of the Spirit (Galatians 5:22). Qualities such as beauty, education, and family background are notably absent from this priority list.
The sermon concludes by emphasizing the role of parents in marriage. Parental consent and blessing are extremely important, as God uses parents to guide and instruct their children. However, the final decision still belongs to the child, as illustrated by Rebekah's voluntary agreement to go with Abraham's servant (Genesis 24:57-58). Parents offer advice and counsel, but must not coerce their children in matters of marriage.