Drawing Closer to God, Drawing Closer to Your Spouse – Learning to Reconcile
Pastor Tan Thai · Sep 30, 2012
This sermon addresses the unavoidable reality of conflict and discord in marriage, identifying both wrong and right approaches to resolution. The pastor emphasizes that reconciliation means neither avoidance nor winning arguments, but rather loving discussion, mutual respect, and dependence on God.
The sermon opens with two humorous anecdotes about marital conflict over seemingly trivial matters, establishing that conflict in marriage is an unavoidable reality. The pastor cites marriage psychologist John Gottman to argue that couples who avoid all conflict are actually more likely to divorce, and that facing and resolving disagreements properly can strengthen and deepen a marriage over time.
The sermon then analyzes three common approaches couples use when conflict arises. The first is avoidance, which leads to accumulated bitterness and may explode after years of silence. The second is insisting on being right and winning the argument, illustrated through the biblical story of two women disputing before King Solomon in 1 Kings 3. The third and best approach is loving discussion and negotiation with mutual respect, treating conflict as an opportunity to understand one another rather than a contest to be won.
The sermon further categorizes four types of marital disagreement: those not worth fighting over, those requiring negotiation, those that must simply be accepted because they cannot be changed, and those that need to be brought before God for wisdom. The pastor calls both husband and wife to take responsibility for reconciliation according to Matthew 5:23 and Romans 14:19, and reminds husbands of their accountability before God as the leader of the home.
The concluding section urges listeners to focus on changing themselves rather than their spouses, and emphasizes that closeness to God is the foundation for closeness between husband and wife. The pastor quotes Proverbs 2:6-9 to affirm that wisdom for marriage comes from God, and closes with a call to draw ever nearer to the Lord so that the marriage bond may grow ever stronger.